"Rise and shine, assholes," trills the bird

If animals could talk, what would they say? Certainly nothing polite, according to this hilarious illustrated book.

On these pages, you'll meet over 100 illustrated animals showing the whole range of human emotions and foibles, from sassy to grumpy, arrogant to dejected, glib to nonplused. "How old did you say you were?" asks the cougar. "Rise and shine, assholes," trills the bird. "Ball is life," proclaims the hamster. "I have zero interest in seeing you later," quoth the alligator. Includes the world's ugliest animal, according to the Smithsonian (we'll let you guess which one this is).

Giggle and belly laugh your way through this definitely not-for-kids, probably not-safe-for-work collection of brilliant insights into the filthy animals all around us.