Dom Panicio and Pauly Molinaro have a problem. When boss Eddie Miggliori gets whacked, these two aging wise guys know they've got to get out of Staten Island while they still can. Sal Alimonto, Eddie's successor and executioner, has it out for these two loyal crew members. And he'll stop at nothing to keep them from turning on him.

Eager to retire from their lives of crime, the pair decides to take one last job. A bold, blood diamond heist in Seattle. They make a desperate dash to the Pacific Northwest where forests, fine coffee, and freedom beckon. Except, for these bumbling buffoons, everything goes horribly, hysterically wrong.

Unaware they've become part of a larger plot in the international underworld, Dom and Pauly play right into the greedy hands of Sal and his Tong rivals. Until the heist is botched. Wise guys don't feel so wise without a plan. And then there's that unfortunate taser incident ...

While on the lam, these lovable louts arrive at the Benbow Inn's murder mystery weekend and are mistaken for a pair of actors hired to escalate the drama. They meet their match in the high-flying Ellison triplets, exotic burlesque dancers who embrace their curves and cunning.

Then a party guest is murdered for real. Sal and the Tongs are closing in. And so are the cops. Dom, Pauly, and the triplets pool their resources of street smarts and womanly wiles to bring the murder mystery weekend to an epic, soaring conclusion.