-What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She choked.

-How do you get a blonde's eyes to sparkle?
Shine a light in her ear.

-What's the definition of "making love"?
It's what a woman does while a man's screwing her.

-How does an Englishman know that his wife is dead?
Sex is still the same, but the dishes are piling up in the sink.

-What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
One less drunk at the funeral.

-Why is a fat woman like a scooter?
They're both fun to ride, but you wouldn't want you friends to see you on either.

-A woman walked into the bank to deposit a large bag of cash.
"Did you hoard all this money yourself?" asked the teller.
"No," she replied. "My sister whored half of it."