The third book in the horrifically popular A Series of Unfortunate Events is now available in paperback. Are you still there No Good. Oh heavens, you’re back. That heart palpitation is never a good sign.

But neither is a hurricane. Or a leech. Or a signal in a sinking boat full of orphans and a scared aunt.

But the worst sign is the one that says, “Over 51 million books in print!” Of course, that sign could get ever more horrendous as these wicked new editions are released unto the world. Awful new artwork, terrible bonus material, and a disgustingly soft cover-all signs of a truly unfortunate event.